A baffled client

It's just a quick job...

​- Hey, we have a voice-over project for you.
We see that you are a professional, and we only want really good, really experienced people, great if they have a certification in voice-over, and even better if they deliver studio quality. Is that you?
- Indeed, that's me.
- Great. How much?
- Please, send me the specifications for this project, and I'll send you a quote.
- It's straightforward though, so just tell us how much you charge for 5 minutes of voice-over.
- Is it 5 minutes on a video or is it 5 minutes of a text to read or...?
- Oh come on, just tell us.
- Please, send me the specifications and I promise I'll send you my quote in the hour.
- But it's just an English-to-French voice-over.
- ... what do you mean...?
- It's an English video that needs a French voice-over.
- You already have the translation then?
- No, that's your job.
- So... you need an English-to-French translation in the 1st place. Do you have the transcription and the time coding?
- Of course not, that's your job.
- So... you need a time-coded transcription of an English video, then a translation into French, then a voice-over for a video, in studio quality.
- That's it, yes. How much for 5 minutes?
- hum... and what is it about?
- It's the user's guide to a very complex machine, with safety features. It's important and urgent, it will be on our website and also used for training in the company and at clients' premises. Oh and we are very strict about the pronunciation of certain words, they must be said precisely the way we like.
- I see. You want a time-coded transcription of an English video about the functioning and safety features of a heavy machine I'd need to research about in order to be sure I get all the terms accurate, a translation into French, a voice-over for a video in studio quality and specific pronunciation of certain words, and the rights to use it for internal and external diffusion forever, and all that done quickly by a trained certified professional?
- That's about it, yes. So, how much?
- This much.
- You are joking?! It's far too much for 5 minutes of easy work, you are French aren't you? Come on, how difficult is it to speak for 5 minutes in a mic?
- Not difficult at all indeed. Good luck with your project.
This, my friends, is the accurate reenactment of some conversations with potential voice-over clients.
How would you answer? Send me your best possible suggestions, so I am ready for the next one.